I didn’t like the unknown, or even some of the results…

My husband and I – we’re on the other side of a lot of things. There will be more… That’s the way life is. Every family has dysfunction and disappointments.

While taking a walk the other night I was reflecting. Making a mental list of some of the huge life changes just since September that have happened to me, or those close to me.

A few that stand out- September was the first month in our lives when we were truly “empty nesters.” This time, it would be the real thing. My oldest son bought his own condo. The other son was talking of moving out west after graduation from college. Learning to reconnect on a deeper emotional and spiritual level with each other – alone. That’s work.

That month also brought news of a nephew who had heart surgery. His went fine and he recovered quickly. A visit from a dear friend from Honduras who was a leader with World Vision, which is an organization I’m intricately involved with. That caused a whirlwind reunion weekend with friends who had gone to Honduras together the summer before. Beginning Bible Study Fellowship for another fresh start as I was meeting new friends, and reacquainting with old.

October broke through with glorious color in my country backyard. It also ballooned into a long series of events involving my dear niece, who had heart surgery. Our boat was still in the slip, as the weather was gorgeous and warm.  A few last times on the boat as a sanctuary for the year.

My niece’s surgery had complications which persisted. Long prayer sessions. My husband and I having discussions about the impending move. My sentimental attachment to our home. Cleaning, cleaning, staging and more cleaning….oh…   Lots of showings and no bites.

Taking walks along the railroad tracks behind our home, telling my dog Ebony all about it. Apologizing to her. Dogs are a picture of unconditional love. Would we go to a condo, or a home where she could come along? Praying for my niece to improve and imploring every prayer warrior I knew to do the same. Looking up for clarity that didn’t come.

I went to the Breathe Writer’s Conference, but couldn’t even enjoy it and get my heart into it this year. I was laden with anxiety, fear, inadequacy, distraction, and a heavy heart. I was to the point of panic attacks which plagued me.

November came on with a chill. My niece would need a second heart surgery. As I was attending a conference on Spiritual growth, I prayed with the prayer team and had a very strong sense that something very big was about to happen in my life.

Am I the only one who feels like this sometimes? I believe that the more honest you are with people, the more others feel safe to open up too. A lot of this is way out of my comfort zone.