“You’ve been missing in action!” Mia said as stepped down into the boat. The creaking of ropes and clanging of sailboat masts were the song of the day.
“I know…” Jen sighed.
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know. It’s like a wall in front of my mind that I just can’t seem to see past” An occasional swallow clattered as he flew over.
Mia asked, “Well, can you talk about it?”
Jen began slowly, “Every time I try to write a story lately or get a document started for this upcoming writing conference, I get distracted by something else. It’s usually my fault. Even when I came out here to the boat to get inspired, things just aren’t coming together. I feel so overwhelmed!”
“Have you prayed about it?”
“Of course I’ve prayed about it! It seems that’s all I do in between wondering what to write and how to get all this stuff done,” Jen retorted quickly. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t hear the Holy Spirit like many others do.”
“Why?” Mia asked.
Jen barely dared to say it again, “Maybe…I’m just not cut out for this writing stuff. Maybe I’ve been hearing God wrong all this time. I might not have the talent or the discipline that it takes to do this writing thing. I just don’t know–”
“Hey! Don’t you start that again,” Mia chided, “You know you have been affirmed many times that you are called to write. You can do this and–”
“I don’t know.” Jen interrupted, “It’s much harder than people think. I am dry as a bone and sit with a blank computer screen. So it’s easier to get on emails, social media, texting friends, reading a book, eating…anything but actual writing!” She admitted, as she looked at the floor.
Mia peered silently at Jen until she finally looked back up into her eyes.
“You know what I’m going to say.” Mia spoke softly.
Jen knew from many years of experience of being around Mia, that she was very sure that Jen was called to write many stories of life and hope. Much more sure lots of times than she was.
“Ok…you can say it again, but I know what I’m experiencing. Even after searching through my bible and praying, I just feel dried up. I don’t know if I can do this mother-loss thing and all the interviews, the devotionals and documents to finish, and not to mention the stories on the blog, and–” Mia put up her hand in a gentle manner.
Mia asked, “Do you like it?”
Jen replied, “What?”
“The writing, giving hope and stories to the world, directing them to the gospel?”
“Yes.” Jen wouldn’t look into Mia’s eyes. “People say I’m gifted. They say I’m touching people. But I’m not sure anymore.”
“Do you think God gave you this time for a reason?”
Jen spoke through her tears now, talking fast, “Yes, and I feel guilty that I’m wasting God’s time. I’m not producing like He wants me to–I mean, I’ve said no to pool dates with friends, I’ve taken a short leave of absence from Hospice work, I’ve said no to most things at church, all in the name of ‘getting work done.’ Trying to ‘say no the the good, in order to say yes to the best’ thing!” Jen folded her arms in front of her.
Mia replied gently but firmly in her usual way. “I think you’re trying to force the creativity. Open yourself up to let the Holy Spirit flow through you, let Him wash over you.”
Finally Jen lifted her eyes to meet Mia’s. A tear dripped down onto her shirt. They knew each other’s thoughts.
“Let’s pray.” Mia barely whispered, as she waved her to sit down and placed her hands gently over top of Jen’s.
The sun shone down on them through the open hatch, and the sea gulls called. The next few moments were filled with the soft sounds of Mia speaking to the Heavenly Father. Jen didn’t know how long she had been sitting there with her head bowed and whispers coming forth out of her mouth which she didn’t even recognize.
When Jen came back into realization, Mia was just smiling at her, one sister in Christ to another.
The breeze shifted and offered refreshment to their souls.
Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”