Moms and doors.
Lately, this has been on my mind.
Moms walk through many doors during their motherhood. The door of the birthing room. The door of the adoption agency. The door of the searing pain…when they tell you that you will surely see your child again in heaven. The hospital door.
The bright colored doors…the threshold of the first step her child takes or the first words he utters. Her heart is full when welcoming children into her home. Adding on.
The Kindergarten door…
The door of the first sporting event…the cameras are charged up and the excitement runs high. Laughter and hollering of high school boys in the pool. Pizzas and soccer. Smelly socks and dirty dishes. Smiles and arguments.
The door of the high school gymnasium…on graduation day.
The door of the first dorm room. She especially remembers the outside door of the dorm building – that first time. It’s a door which she doesn’t want to pull open. It is a heart-wrenching decision to force yourself to go to the car. “They must grow up!” you’re told. “It’s so good for them.” “You brought them up to let them fly!”
But it’s lonely for a while. Guilt for not having enough faith to feel the way you think you’re supposed to feel.
The front door of the condo. The first home your child buys. You are proud of them but you know this is the most definitive door you’ve passed through. It’s the end of an era. People tell you to be proud and your heart feels tangled.
Well, I am thankful that my oldest son is healthy and able. I’m so grateful that I have been given many happy years with him so far.
My feelings are not quite where the facts are. I know that many other moms have had much more pain their lives than me. I know what I’m expected to do.
Knowledge and feelings can be polar opposites.
The house is very very quiet. My younger son has been renting for years so we are empty nesters. We thought we were before, but then circumstances changed and we took in some “wandering souls” a couple times. Why not? We had a big house.
People tell me that being empty nesters is supposed to be a grand and wonderful time of our lives. Yeah… Not yet?
It is the end of the caretaking season in my mothering. I need to take on a different role now.
I’ve never liked change. But I know God will carry me through this one too.
Moms and doors. The shades and hues of your doors may be a little different than mine but we can hold one another’s hands as we walk through them.
So I say, the kindergarten door, the dorm room door, and the condo door are all strangely similar.
What are some doors of motherhood that you’ve had to walk through?