This is not your normal post about how my husband is my best friend and better than anyone else’s husband. Yes, I love him and respect him greatly. Yes, we’ve been married 31 years today. But it’s so hard for me to swallow posts that come on Facebook and blogs that end up creating comparisons. The ones that say how their husband is their best friend, they can’t express how wonderful he is, and all that stuff you’re supposed to say.
Often when I read these kind of posts, I end up feeling inadequate. I think I have a great marriage according to many women, so I can’t imagine how it might make someone feel who is struggling in their marriage.
We are far from perfect. We’ve had many days or years of just going along, hoping we can make it. The first year we barely had a stick of furniture. I thought I needed my head examined for marrying such a pig-headed guy. We’ve had fierce fights. I’ve dragged him to counseling a few times. Often I really didn’t know how we were going to make it. The blame games. The always and never words. It was “never” my fault and he was “always” hard to live with.
I’ve had times when I wondered if life could have been better a different way. You look around in this world and think everyone else must have it together. He didn’t always live up to my expectations of what a perfect husband should be. I’m sure I didn’t always live up to his. His parenting style sometimes ticked me off. I thought I knew the right way to do everything. We had teenagers…enough said.
Times were tough sometimes financially. There have been power struggles. I’ve often wanted to change him and make him into the kind of person I think he should be. I have often wished he would share his feelings and talk more. He’s quiet. I’m a super emotional, and “get it all out there person.” I love two hour lunches with a best friend. I wanted to make him put his arm around me more, get away from me, or read my mind. I wanted things both ways.
Marriage is not easy. A good marriage is not easy. But we set our hearts and minds into this marriage 31 years ago today, and it was a commitment.
The pastor who married us, asked us this question in one of our first counseling sessions. “What is true love?” Cliff didn’t miss a beat, before he said, “commitment.” I stared at him with my mouth hanging open and didn’t have a thing to add. He was still 20 years old, and got an “A+” for that answer.
But commitment is THE answer.
As young people, we put our stakes down, with God smack-dab in the middle. Through the good times and bad, He was there intertwined in the rope of our marriage. The main Bible passage in our wedding ceremony was from Ecclesiastes 4…”Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up…A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
So, I’m saying…
God is the center.
God is the difference.
God is faithful.
It is only by His power and grace that we have been blessed with all of these years. I praise Him and give him all the glory.
Bravo! Boy, can I relate! We’ve worked really hard on our marriage of 33 years and I can say all the same things as you have here. Love you for that. Thanks. Debbie 🙂
Thank you for commenting and becoming a follower. How exciting! Keep working on your marriage. It’s worth nurturing! Thank you, and all glory to God
Yes, marriage is a life long process and I am so thankful for all the great things God has already done for us. I look forward to reading your blogs, Myrna. Thank you for your honesty and passion. God bless you. 🙂 Debbie
Beautiful thoughts and truths here, Myrna. Thank you for speaking so many things in my own heart! I’m with you in thanksgiving . . . 31 years of marriage to a man who is quiet, doesn’t always behave the way I think he should — selfish woman that I am — and loves me even when he doesn’t feel like loving me. To God be the glory.
Thank you for commenting Beth. It was scary to be this honest and I wasn’t sure how it would go. But hopefully this will help others to know that Christians are not perfect and we struggle, but we have the Lord as our strong rope to hang on to! I’m happy for you, that you also have 31 years with a loyal Christian man. We are blessed beyond measure!
This is so “real life”! What a great, encouraging and honest look at real Christian marriage.
Thank you. I’m glad it was encouraging to you. We are enjoying our days of “empty nest” now:) I was afraid of being this vulnerable, so comments mean a lot.
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What a wonderful post. I LOVE it. Thank you for your honesty. I can relate to every word. As I read I realized that I could have written it myself. Did you read my diary? Ha, ha.
The big thing is commitment. My husband and I were both committed to each other, in the Lord. Our marriage lasted for thirty-two years, until God called him home.
Enjoy every day.
All God’s best,
It’s beautiful that you had such a God-centered marriage with your first husband. Commitment was strong and you knew what a marriage was supposed to be like. I’m sorry that God called him home earlier than you expected. God has carried you through a lot and has been faithful to you now.
We are mellowing with age and enjoy our days even more as we get older.
Blessings to you Wanda!