It’s after me again!

Do you ever feel a grip around your neck?

As my good friend would say, “Even well armored soldiers struggle with things.”

Walking around this week with a huge pit in the depths of my stomach. It feels like a basketball.

Just thinking about it makes me all shaky and jumpy.

I said to him…”I put on the whole armor. How does that stupid satan still get through?”

There are so many things I want to do. So many things I know God is calling me to do. Then there IT comes.

It’s after me again!

Wondering how many opportunities I have missed. How many people I could have reached. But there’s that huge dark all-encompassing block in front of me.

I wanted so badly to take the opportunity. To follow the call. I began to walk. Then…

Now here I sit in that gap between stepping out in faith, or avoiding the situation.

If I don’t fight it this time, it will be back. Maybe clothed differently. But it will be there. And soon. It will show up in a clever disguise.

Blaring it’s ugly face and laughing at me.

Cry. Stomp my feet. Complain.

Pray.

This post may make me sound like I need psychological counseling. But I’m just being brutally honest. I have fear. I even have fear of fear.

I know the “Sunday School answers.” But I also suspect most people have fears but just won’t talk about them. Maybe for FEAR of what people will think of them.

My desire and calling is to write, but I procrastinate. Partly because of fear of failure. What will my friends and family think? I want to sing in church. But I envision a disaster. I was trying to make a difference for a teen. But I might fail or get too deep in the messy.

Curling up into the fetal position under the covers sounds really good.

Do you have fears? What are they, and how do you fight them?

About Myrna Folkert

Myrna is an author who desires to use her gifts to glorify God. She's created this blog to tell stories of her childhood, musings about life, motherless daughters, grief and loss, faith in God, her family history, and facts about the Long QT syndrome. She also has a hearing condition called Tinnitus. Doing interviews with motherless daughters like herself are of great interest. Join in discussions by following this blog and commenting. She would love to hear your stories about life. Myrna is a Christ follower, wife, mother, sister, friend, aunt, and cousin. She was an elementary school teacher for 27 years; now works in her church, and a few other volunteer activities such as Hospice doing "Life Reviews" and Vigils. Myrna loves to read, write, listen to music, go to concerts, and take pictures. Her favorite pastime is boating with her husband near the beautiful shores of West Michigan.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to It’s after me again!

  1. ardie says:

    I do I think ever time I START A new project there is fear to deal with I know if Gods has given me anybody a talent God wants us to us it that helps me and talking about how I feel and just knowing I will fail some times because life is a refining process we will know how to do it better next time it is hard to fail some people will put us down and others will encourage us Joyce Meyers said . if you are afraid then do it in fear I think, don’t let fear win I was afraid in most things I try and so is everybody else don’t let fear hold you back just do it God has given you talent it would be worst if you hide it your words are beautiful don’t give up

    Like

    • myrnafolkert says:

      Thank you for sharing that Ardie! It’s brave to say something. I really appreciate knowing that I’m not one of the few… Yes, we should not let fear win, but that is very hard sometimes, even when you know God will be at your side. You’re so right, that life is a refining process as the Lord continues to work on us.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s