Do you ever feel a grip around your neck?
As my good friend would say, “Even well armored soldiers struggle with things.”
Walking around this week with a huge pit in the depths of my stomach. It feels like a basketball.
Just thinking about it makes me all shaky and jumpy.
I said to him…”I put on the whole armor. How does that stupid satan still get through?”
There are so many things I want to do. So many things I know God is calling me to do. Then there IT comes.
It’s after me again!
Wondering how many opportunities I have missed. How many people I could have reached. But there’s that huge dark all-encompassing block in front of me.
I wanted so badly to take the opportunity. To follow the call. I began to walk. Then…
Now here I sit in that gap between stepping out in faith, or avoiding the situation.
If I don’t fight it this time, it will be back. Maybe clothed differently. But it will be there. And soon. It will show up in a clever disguise.
Blaring it’s ugly face and laughing at me.
Cry. Stomp my feet. Complain.
This post may make me sound like I need psychological counseling. But I’m just being brutally honest. I have fear. I even have fear of fear.
I know the “Sunday School answers.” But I also suspect most people have fears but just won’t talk about them. Maybe for FEAR of what people will think of them.
My desire and calling is to write, but I procrastinate. Partly because of fear of failure. What will my friends and family think? I want to sing in church. But I envision a disaster. I was trying to make a difference for a teen. But I might fail or get too deep in the messy.
Curling up into the fetal position under the covers sounds really good.
Do you have fears? What are they, and how do you fight them?