Lessons from Ebony Anne- Part 2

Posted on April 7, 2014 by Myrna Folkert

Well… Part 2! Surely I have many readers “on the edge of their seats” waiting for the lessons a good ‘ole dog could teach me! Yes, lasting impressions were made.

1. The way to receive help is not to fret about it, but to ask: I pondered for years about taking care of Ebony. I didn’t even ask people in my family, let alone the larger community.

“See ya later, sweet Ebony Anne…”

2. The dog would live without me: I thought I was the only one who would suffice. It’s almost a pride thing. I was far from providing enough for Ebony. The holding on actually was not the best for her.

3. My ideas are not always better: I thought that my husband’s idea of moving, and possibly giving Ebony up would certainly not bring contentment for me, or us as a couple.

4. Ebony could be happy: She could be happier with a loving family with children. My brother-in-law’s family spoils Ebony, dotes over her, and she is living a dream life. I jokingly often say, that “she thinks she died and went to heaven!”

Joy and total acceptance…

5. Repeated lesson learned: CHANGE will not kill me! The decision of giving Ebony to them was ultimately mine, and my hubby left it up to me. He would not have forced me to get rid of her. This change was difficult, but it was not the end of the world. My goodness, others have horrific problems! I needed to listen to that still small voice.

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A picture of the kind of love God gives us…

6. Live with open hands: Yes, a dog brings many people great happiness and comfort in their lives. But I needed to listen to God in this case- to do what was ultimately best for Ebony. Loosen my grip. Allow others to be happy. We spend a lot of time away and boating.  It would be selfish of me to keep Ebony, while she would continue to wait for attention. At my in-law’s home, she lives inside 24/7, constantly receiving love and hugs from their four kids. If a dog could talk, I think she would say she’s elated! It’s a great arrangement for all concerned.

TRUST

 Now I can take Ebony for a “field day” occasionally, visit any time, and see her at family birthday parties which they host. Becoming closer to my sister-in-law through all the interaction we have about Ebony was an added bonus.

So there were lessons to learn, and blessings which came from the tough decision I made in February. That’s the way God works at times. He teaches in unexpected and delightful ways.

(One more thing: A special thank you to my brother-in-law, whom I’m sure would be “just fine” without having a dog…  But he sees past all that, to the joy it brings his family.)

What have you given up, and later realized that it would be ok?

 

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Lessons from Ebony Anne- Part 1

Posted on April 1, 2014 by Myrna Folkert

Today was one of those days which tease the soul. I took “my” dog out for a field day.

You see, I made a tough decision a while back.

Thought about it for years…What should I do about Ebony? My husband and I were very active and gone a lot. The boys growing fast, busy with sports and girls, gone more than home. I was still teaching elementary school and intensely busy.

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When I bought my dog over 8 years ago, my youngest son and I were excited to begin a new adventure with Ebony Anne. She’s a beautiful pure-bred black Labrador Retriever.

I house trained her from my four season porch at our country home, as I sat at my table correcting papers. We whipped the ball whenever we could, fed and cared for her. She was mostly an outside dog, but easily adapted to house training. Inside for a few months in the winter and summer when the temperatures were extreme. Many walks down the country roads, through the gullies, and along the railroad tracks. She was a great listener.

We were not doing Ebony justice. That nagging feeling to put up a sign at the local veterinarian’s office to offer her to a loving home. Something always kept me from following through. I felt guilty as she would peek at me from her doghouse, patiently waiting.

Conscience told me it was best to give Ebony to a home with children, who would give her the attention she needed and deserved.

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My husband was ready to move into town years before I was. God provided several ways to keep Ebony cared for if we were away. One of our sons living home at various times. A couple extended guests in our home who took up the slack. We got by a few more years.

For my sake, my hubby was open to the idea of moving to a home with a small yard, instead of a condo which he actually preferred. He never was too keen on dogs.

The reality of moving became apparent.

Our house had suddenly sold. We were planning to live with my mother in law, as we were finding a home. For various reasons we could not have Ebony there.

Finally the decision was forced upon me at Thanksgiving time, to ask my husband’s brother’s family to take her for a short time. The agreement was made that they would temporarily take care of her. If we bought a place which would not support a dog, then more decisions would be made at a later date.

Throughout all the snowstorms of January and February, Ebony was in their home. Warm, happy and being spoiled. It was a great arrangement for all concerned. Their four children were enjoying her, and I learned how much my sister-in-law absolutely adored dogs, and Ebony.

What lessons did a vivacious Lab teach me? I’ll talk about that next time in Part 2.

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Back at it!

Posted on March 23, 2014 by Myrna Folkert

The procrastination has to stop! I would like my readers to hold me accountable to writing on a more regular basis. If you have ever liked anything I have written, please click on my blog and sign up for an email when I post. My goal right now, is to post at least once per month. If I exceed that goal, then YAY! I would super appreciate you going beyond the Facebook page, and clicking on my actual blog on WordPress and subscribing to it. I promise you won’t get a daily email… I want to at least meet my monthly goal right now. I work better under the pressure of friends and supporters who are expecting and asking for more. So would you please, pretty please help me break this “writing block” and procrastination??

My end of the deal is to have a post at least once per month, to keep the posts short (usually 500 words or less), give you a reply if you comment, and try to write things that are interesting, helpful, or touch someone 

Other things have always come before writing in the last few months…moving, cleaning, going on vacation, volunteer activities, etc. I feel called to write, but yet it is hard to do it. It’s scary to put your deep feelings and thoughts out there for the world to see. Feelings of inadequacy always creep in and whisper to me that I’m not that good. I know God wants to use me to help people in many ways, but I am getting in His way! 

So it’s a new start again today. Thank you Lord, that each day can be a brand new beginning with you. 

 

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Change and Wait

Posted on January 13, 2014 by Myrna Folkert

Change.    Wait.

Probably two of the words of the English language which I have disliked the most.

I think I have always considered change to be bad. Lately I figured out why that might be. Most of the changes in my childhood seemed to have been bad or scary ones. Many deaths, and family situations which were less than desirable. It made me avoid change all the time. I’ve avoided change at every turn. I’d rather take the road more traveled every time.

But God is trying to teach me that change doesn’t always have to be bad. Has it taken me this long to figure that out?

There have actually been many changes in my life which were good. Marrying my husband. Having my two wonderful sons, for instance. God’s even taught me that change through very tough and demanding situations can turn out to be blessings in the end. The fact that I got Tinnitus in my ears was an awful change, and later it required a total about face for me. I had to take early retirement from teaching and it was so shocking and abrupt. But after I got over the initial shock and hardship, I realized that retirement enabled me to seek out some life dreams and try some new things. What Satan meant for evil, God turned it into good!

The latest big change of moving from my “dream house,” was a long grieving process for me. My husband was ready to move from there years before I was. He was ready to downsize and be closer to town. It was a long couple of years for me. I prayed and pleaded, bargained and avoided. It often took me into deep emotional places of sorrow about the change it would require.

God has been working on me in the last few years. Bible conferences drew me in deeper into His heart. Bible Study Fellowship has taught be so many basic truths of the Bible and made me think deeply. The writing conferences inspired, taught, and frightened me. Often when alone, I fell on the floor in total desperation about all the life changes I was experiencing. I cried out to Him on long walks in the country around my property. Thoughts and memories of shared dreams in that home would flood me with an overwhelming sense of pain. Sometimes it was actually joy. It might have been relief at times.

Loving the kids but hating the work of teaching. The long days, the weekends, the summers I couldn’t enjoy because I was always thinking of all the work I should be doing. The emotions were all over the board. I felt crazy at times. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I happy that I could now be home? Most people would love to have my situation. It was implied that I should be happy because I had half my life in front of me.

Well, the fact that my sons were out or almost out of the nest when I was finally home, brought on a whole other realm of guilt. Why now God? Why couldn’t I have been home when they were young and I wanted so desperately to be an ‘at home’ mom? Why do I have to have this hearing problem and not be able to enjoy being in large groups of children and adults like I used to? I can’t sing and enjoy music as much now, because I’m not even confident that I’m on tune. I can’t hear myself well. Why do I have all this time now-I feel so useless and old. My body was giving me hassles and changes of life were aggravating. My feet never gave me troubles when I walked on hard concrete floors for 27 years, and now I can barely walk?

So many questions and so little answers. I searched for what I was supposed to do. Kid’s Hope, Barnabas Ministries, Hospice, GEMS, Released Time and telling bible stories, Women’s ministry, music, blogging, writing… countless other things…

I felt a special calling to writing so I tried to get that off the ground with a manuscript and a blog. But insecurities and procrastination, sickness, cleaning house, and anything my scattered brain could think of, would always take precedence.

Best friends would pray. They cared and talked with me when they could. But they were working. They had things they needed to do. Often loneliness would overtake me.

I didn’t know who I was. Trying to figure out my next steps in life. I was supposed to be happy that I was retired early. I was supposed to be appreciating the freedom. I wanted to. I knew I should. And I really did at times. I just couldn’t figure out who I was supposed to be now. It was a totally new season of life that was thrown at me very abruptly without warning and frankly, without a friendly goodbye either. It just came out of nowhere and sideswiped me. A little like a car accident does. It was a sudden incident and then it was like sitting in your car in complete silence wondering if you were alive or hurt.

It took my physical body a couple years actually to adjust. Doctor visits were way too common. Emotionally I needed help and I am not ashamed of it now. Financially, the Lord provided for all of our needs and way beyond. But so much change. And remember- I hate change.

My hubby was a strong rock for me. He had a difficult time understanding at times. Any human would. I was not an easy person to live with. Change was so hard for me. My body was acting up all the time. Anxiety blanketed me many times. I didn’t have many friends. The people my age were almost all working, had their life all figured out, or were busy with their families. Older friends were nice, but I didn’t have much in common with them either. I didn’t know where I fit in.

The volunteer paths I tried never seemed to lead anywhere. Maybe the next thing would be “it.” I knew I had always enjoyed writing since I was young. Maybe I could do that. When I attended a writing conference I felt so inadequate and compared myself to others. Church activities came and went. I didn’t feel I was doing what I was meant to do.

So now I’m in the middle of a big change. We suddenly sold the house in November and had to be out the day after Christmas. It was a whirlwind of giving, throwing away, and packing without time to think. But…we didn’t have our next home picked out yet. God provided and we found a home by a series of interesting events and in His perfect timing.

It wouldn’t have been the timing that I would have chosen. But it is His perfect timing. We are living with generous relatives. I am learning that what Jesus said, “IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE” is so very true. Having people in our home for short or long periods of time was such a blessing to me. Now being on the other end of this is difficult for me.

But now…we are beginning to dream again. My husband and I. We bought a home but have not “closed” on it yet.

So we have CHANGED.

And we WAIT.

We’re excited about the new home we will move to. He provided way beyond my dreams again.

The last day we were at our old home, I closed the door. Hubby was waiting in the garage. I took one last look and closed the door resolutely. I had prayed over every room again, as I had every time we had a showing to sell it. When selling, I prayed to bless each room, and that His will would be done.

But this time was a little different. I prayed in every single room that last day in a different way. I was sad, but I prayed that the family that was going to move in, would be blessed, have peace, and be happy there. That their family would be joyful. That their marriage would be strong and their children would grow up in the Lord. Knowing the family was a Christian family made it a tiny bit easier. Knowing that the three children would enjoy the pool and gullies and huge property brought me some peace. I could almost hear their giggling.IMG_2353

A rainbow of promise one morning this fall.

Giving up my sunroom to a woman who said she would totally enjoy it brought some softness to the process. I loved that room. So many prayer times in the chair, on my knees, and on my face. So many seasons to enjoy from the 180 degree view of the trees was a blessing. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. It marched on in glorious grandeur in a marvelous display. That was proof that change can be beautiful.

God met me there every morning and sometimes late into many many nights of writing, talking with friends, scrap-booking, reading and making goals and resolutions. Sleepless nights would call me there to pray. It was a sanctuary.

First the CHANGE.

Actually going back to this home after only two weeks because a Fed Ex package arrived there. Ringing the doorbell at “my” home and standing inside the front door and taking in the changes. I got through it. It was not so bad. I grieved leaving that home before and during the process. That day brought some nervousness and a couple tears but I got through.

Now the WAIT.

I know I am extremely blessed. I am so thankful for all the memories the Lord allowed me to take along from that home. From the first time we began planning it, to having it built, to playing in the pool with the boys, their friends over, allowing me to share this home with others in need many times. What an honor. Watching the boys wrestle after dinner all over the floor. The tough times of sickness or death in the extended family. He taught me more of His grace. Teenage boys…ups and downs. The work of maintaining a healthy marriage. Not all roses. But I am beyond thankful for all He has blessed me with. My hubby is still at my side, and he’s a hard worker who makes a good wage. My sons are grown and making wise choices as they mature. I’m so proud of them both. They are a joy and a crown.

Closing the door on a home is not closing the door on your whole life. I was afraid to move. I resisted moving for a very long time. Change was and still is scary to me. But I know, my God is faithful and will continue to be. He has blessed us. We are beginning to dream of how we will make our new house into a HOME.

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Now I can truly say that I’m excited for all that the Lord has in store for us.

What has been a change in your life? What have you learned? Tell us a snippet from your story.

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Eight knees under my table

Posted on November 11, 2013 by Myrna Folkert

The banter and laughter was familiar and soothing. It came last night. The two we had prayed for since they were born, and even before…young men now. The “breaking of bread together.” It doesn’t come very often anymore. What a sound.

My “Wow J” came home from college for the day, and worked way up on that roof in the drizzle and full out rain. They worked side by side as father and son do. A comment here and a suggestion here…not a constant gabbing session that a couple of women would have. It’s a different thing. It’s a special way of men that I’ve observed around here. Being the only woman.

Maybe a short and meaningful conversation when mom was not around sneaking some pictures. A father and his younger one. Just the two of them. Doing what needs to get done. Talking when necessary. Not just for the enjoyment of it. That’s their way.

Later “Big A” came after work to help how he could. It was a short blessing in time. I treasure it in my heart. Like Mary did. Imprinted in my memory forever.

What is a special little blessing that you have experienced lately? Tell about it so we can share in the joy. Sometimes it’s the little things…

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A mom’s fierce love…in any season

Posted on October 23, 2013 by Myrna Folkert

A phone call came from “Big A” as I was getting ready for Bible Study this morning. He sounded sick or in pain. I immediately went into “mom” mode, because this was uncharacteristic. My very independent sons rarely ask me for help with anything. Even since elementary school, they just did their homework on their own. After about fifth grade, their math was way beyond me anyway…

Hearing a voice of need set me into motion. I have to admit panic set in for a moment, considering the fact that there has been quite a few “incidents” in my immediate and extended families lately. I prayed to myself, “Calm down, he probably just has a bad cold, or his car broke down or something!” The words I heard were more important to me than anything else in the world at that particular moment.

Moms are fiercely in love with their children.

An intense back pain shooting down into both of his legs. Of course mom would be there asap and drive him to the urgent care facility. After arrival and being taken into a back room, I was sitting alone as he had requested. Among many other things, I prayed for the doctors again, that they would understand the necessity of accuracy and empathy considering our family history. There has been so many things happening lately which I will be able to explain more as time goes on.

That everyone would understand the importance. This has been a prayer of mine for every emergency or urgent care visit for many years. But this time, he had to be his own advocate. I wasn’t in the room to watch the medical personnel like hawks, reading every name and asking questions about every step they took with my “boy.”

Texting family and friends much of the wait time kept my mind busy. After about an hour, he texted me. He confirmed that he had two shots in his hips and had checked the meds out online from his phone. I hadn’t reminded or begged him. The wrinkled envelope containing my list stayed in between the kleenex and the billfold in my purse. I was very proud of him.

Modern technology. Another lesson to have more trust in my son, and in God.

After another 45 minutes he hobbled to the car. After picking up a couple more prescriptions with a promise that he would also check those out, he could settle in his recliner back in his own home.

It’s a different season of motherhood, but I am thankful that we live close enough that I could help when there was a need.

A prayer of thanksgiving.

The wind blew angry looking clouds around today, rain and sleet were dreary… but a mother’s love is fierce in any season…

What season are you in and how have you handled tough days?

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Motherless Daughters

Posted on October 9, 2013 by Myrna Folkert

What about the Motherless daughter in me? I wonder who else feels like there is something missing in their lives and can’t quite pinpoint it. Or they know exactly what it is. It’s always been an ache that you cannot sooth, an itch that you just can’t get to. I know it has to resonate with many women around the world. What if you lost your mom while she was pregnant with you, you’re an orphan and you never knew your birth mother, your mother was “absent” while growing up, or your mother died when you were 7, 18, or 70 for that matter? You are still a motherless daughter. There has to be millions of us around the globe who feel this way to a certain extent.

I started being able to name this feeling in the last couple of years, when reading a book about women who had lost their mothers. I won’t say the author’s name here because I’m not mentioning it to cut her down personally. It was a very interesting read. She  interviewed hundreds of women in America and she was also a motherless daughter from the time she was 17 years old. I could relate to a lot of the stories and empathized with many of them. The trouble for me, when reading that book, is that I kept waiting for the punch line. I kept reading on to see if there was going to be help of some kind of help for all these women. What should we do then? She was well meaning I’m sure but I found it sad to get to the end of the book and still feel empty. I thought it was heartbreaking to write a book all about motherless daughters, get so many people’s heart strings pulled, and then just cut them off. I found it very sad that she had given no solution to the dilemma.

For me, the only way to remedy such a sad phenomenon, is divine intervention. It’s impossible for me to describe it any other way. How would you soothe the heart of a person who is hurting and missing something so important in their lives? With a drug? With a counselor, or a psychologist? Yes, those things are necessary or useful at times. But really, how do you solve a problem which is not humanly possible to solve? Is that possible? I don’t think it is.

The only way that makes sense to me, is to turn a mess into a message. The greatest mess humankind has ever made, is to sin. God turned our mess into a message of hope. How does one have hope in a seemingly hopeless world or situation? Back in the beginning, in the book of Genesis, God was sorry He had even made man, and decided to wipe him off the face of the earth. But then, in His divine plan, He decided to send his one and only son to earth to redeem our lives again. We were pulled from the pit into a life of hope. There’s not anything we did to deserve it. There still isn’t anything we can do to earn it. But God in his great mercy and goodness of character, wanted to purchase our pardon. He sent His son Jesus, into the world to die for our sins and redeem our lives and give us a second chance. It is all grace.

It is all God. It’s the way He works.

All we have to do is accept his gift of grace and receive Him in our hearts. If we believe on him, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins. He made a way for us. He wants communion with us forever. He is a relational being. He wants for us to come to Him and live forever with him in heaven. The only way to have this opportunity is to repent of our sin, accept His gift of faith and live in grace. Then we have the promise of heaven. Because we have received this gift of grace, we have a desire to do good works for Him and others. We fail again and again and He lifts us back up.

I find it very sad that many people do not believe this or know about it.  They can have hope. Maybe they are not be able to see it, or do not want it.  They might be in the depths of despair and not even feel like making the effort to climb out of the pit. I’ve been there at times in my life too. “No thank you. I will stay in this hole and be unhappy and everyone who is with me has to be unhappy too.”

It’s like we love to wallow in self pity sometimes. What is that anyway? When I was seven and my mom died, I wanted her back. I was just plain sad and lonely. I was a very insecure, scared little girl who wanted her mommy back. But my mom had been around long enough in my life to instill her faith in my heart. Plus I have the treasure of her 30+ years of diaries that she wrote.  She had lived it. I had seen it. My older sisters told me about it. It’s the only thing I knew of that people were supposed to do if they were sad. They depended on God, and their church family. But things were not perfect then, and they did not remain rosy either.

There were many trials after the initial loss of my mom. Throughout my life, I’ve had many setbacks and one loss piles on top of another loss and brings the last ones to the surface again. Life as a stepchild was not an easy road, and there were many challenges on that path. Then later, the loss of my sister was a tremendous blow. I felt like the floor had been totally pulled from underneath me. What was going on? Why did so many people that I loved die over and over? I couldn’t stop the flow of tears. So many nights I cried myself to sleep over Audrey’s death. No amount of sibling’s love, a friend’s love, and stories in church of God’s love cured this completely. Had someone cursed me or something? Then news of cousins, Aunts and Uncles, and friends in my life who died. Why was I the only one, I wondered. What is it that God is trying to do?

Well, I knew it after my sister Audrey died, that God was going to use her death for His purposes in some way. By that time, at the age of 15, I had matured enough to at least try to make any sense of it. People would tell me things sometimes that made me angry. They meant well. They would say something like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “We don’t know God’s plan, but there are reasons.” Oh, was that maddening. I hated to hear it then. Now, this many years later I’m writing this all down and I still don’t know all the reasons why. It’s been in my mind and heart ever since after Audrey passed away. It was a huge job. Was I – “little ‘ole me”, supposed to write the story to help others in some way? I had the desire. I just never had the time or had the determination to get it done.

But God.

But God. He took the sorrows of my young life and kept allowing adult pains too. Just enough to keep me depending on Him. Thanks be to God for redeeming me. May anything I write be only for His glory alone.

If you relate to anything I have shared about the death of a loved one, share with friends here who will support one another in grace.

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The Doors

Posted on September 10, 2013 by Myrna Folkert

Moms and doors.

Lately, this has been on my mind.

Moms walk through many doors during their motherhood. The door of the birthing room. The door of the adoption agency. The door of the searing pain…when they tell you that you will surely see your child again in heaven. The hospital door.

The bright colored doors…the threshold of the first step her child takes or the first words he utters. Her heart is full when welcoming children into her home. Adding on.

The Kindergarten door…

The door of the first sporting event…the cameras are charged up and the excitement runs high. Laughter and hollering of high school boys in the pool. Pizzas and soccer. Smelly socks and dirty dishes. Smiles and arguments.

The door of the high school gymnasium…on graduation day.

The door of the first dorm room. She especially remembers the outside door of the dorm building – that first time. It’s a door which she doesn’t want to pull open. It is a heart-wrenching decision to force yourself to go to the car. “They must grow up!” you’re told. “It’s so good for them.” “You brought them up to let them fly!”

But it’s lonely for a while. Guilt for not having enough faith to feel the way you think you’re supposed to feel.

The front door of the condo. The first home your child buys. You are proud of them but you know this is the most definitive door you’ve passed through. It’s the end of an era. People tell you to be proud and your heart feels tangled.

Well, I am thankful that my oldest son is healthy and able. I’m so grateful that I have been given many happy years with him so far.

My feelings are not quite where the facts are. I know that many other moms have had much more pain their lives than me. I know what I’m expected to do.

Knowledge and feelings can be polar opposites.

The house is very very quiet. My younger son has been renting for years so we are empty nesters. We thought we were before, but then circumstances changed and we took in some “wandering souls” a couple times. Why not? We had a big house.

People tell me that being empty nesters is supposed to be a grand and wonderful time of our lives. Yeah…  Not yet?

It is the end of the caretaking season in my mothering. I need to take on a different role now.

I’ve never liked change. But I know God will carry me through this one too.

Moms and doors. The shades and hues of your doors may be a little different than mine but we can hold one another’s hands as we walk through them.

So I say, the kindergarten door, the dorm room door, and the condo door are all strangely similar.

What are some doors of motherhood that you’ve had to walk through?

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Truly a “Walk on the Water”

Posted on July 22, 2013 by Myrna Folkert

You may know I’m on this venture lately to fight fears. I’ll let you peek into my large assorted package of them. One could say that they are “deep seated fears” from childhood or something with a psychological flare… But anyway, they’re there. Maybe turning 50 did it, but I figure I have to knock some things off my list.

For instance, since the fear of public speaking and singing plagues me, I decided to practice with the praise band at church and not put any pressure on myself as to when I will actually have my “debut.” I will know when it’s time for the real thing. Or not. It’s okay. God is not a God of pressure and he will lead me into this with His perfect timing. Future developments will follow.

Photo credit: http://guestofaguest.com/hamptons/montauk/stand-up-   paddleboarding-101

Another one is the frightful heights thing. My husband and I rented a Stand Up Paddleboard when we were on vacation. Maybe I have could have won “Funniest Home Videos” or something. After the hubby finished his first try with little effort, it was my turn. I sat on the dock for 15 minutes while he encouraged me as usual and tried to explain several ways I could get on the board. We’ve been married all these years and I think he still doesn’t fully realize the extent of my…well… let’s say, difficulties.

I finally mounted the board on my hands and knees. The last thing I wanted to do was fall. I envisioned the big board hitting me in the head leaving me unconscious, or I would swim the Grand River…which is worse I do not know. Since that was painful, I returned to the dock as soon as possible.

After another coaching session, I miraculously ended up on the board in an upright position. Well, kind of.  I hunched over in an odd arch praying to keep my balance. Hubby called, “Look up! You’ll do much better!” If only I could eat my own words about looking at Jesus when you are “walking on the water!” This felt like being at the tip of an iceberg with sharks all around me.

Fear became truly paralyzing when the front of one of my legs was one huge cramp from trying to keep my balance. I wasn’t five feet off the dock when I yelled, “I’m going to die! Get me off this thing NOW!” Hubby asked if I wanted to be saved with the Sea Doo. I yelled “YES!” In a flash he was next to me. That was some moral support but did not help me physically. Now I was drifting down the current, paddling constantly for what seemed an eternity. Upon reaching the dock I vowed that I would never go on one of those things again. It was now proven to the world that I attempted it.

There are a few other new things I have tried lately and I’ll tell you about them next time.

Would you please tell me about an adventure you have had this summer? One person who tells an adventure will be chosen to receive a copy of Carol Kent’s book, “Tame Your Fears.” I’ve found it to be such a great book and I want one of you to have it. 

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It’s after me again!

Posted on July 12, 2013 by Myrna Folkert

Do you ever feel a grip around your neck?

As my good friend would say, “Even well armored soldiers struggle with things.”

Walking around this week with a huge pit in the depths of my stomach. It feels like a basketball.

Just thinking about it makes me all shaky and jumpy.

I said to him…”I put on the whole armor. How does that stupid satan still get through?”

There are so many things I want to do. So many things I know God is calling me to do. Then there IT comes.

It’s after me again!

Wondering how many opportunities I have missed. How many people I could have reached. But there’s that huge dark all-encompassing block in front of me.

I wanted so badly to take the opportunity. To follow the call. I began to walk. Then…

Now here I sit in that gap between stepping out in faith, or avoiding the situation.

If I don’t fight it this time, it will be back. Maybe clothed differently. But it will be there. And soon. It will show up in a clever disguise.

Blaring it’s ugly face and laughing at me.

Cry. Stomp my feet. Complain.

Pray.

This post may make me sound like I need psychological counseling. But I’m just being brutally honest. I have fear. I even have fear of fear.

I know the “Sunday School answers.” But I also suspect most people have fears but just won’t talk about them. Maybe for FEAR of what people will think of them.

My desire and calling is to write, but I procrastinate. Partly because of fear of failure. What will my friends and family think? I want to sing in church. But I envision a disaster. I was trying to make a difference for a teen. But I might fail or get too deep in the messy.

Curling up into the fetal position under the covers sounds really good.

Do you have fears? What are they, and how do you fight them?

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